Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Doubts

Confession #2.

Sometimes, I doubt my job. Now, I have no intentions of quitting (3 yrs of graduate school and student loan debt will ensure that), but sometimes I second guess my decision.

I sometimes wish I had a job that would allow me to surf the web without Big Brother watching my every move. I'm not looking to surf any xx rated sites, but a trip to gap.com would be nice every once in awhile. It would be nice to be able to read blogs, and tool around on the internet.

My friends with normal jobs email me links. Nine times out of ten, Big Brother blocks the site, and I have to wait to check it out at home (where I undoubtedly forget to do it unless they email me the link).

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to sit for more than 1/2 hour each day. There are some days that I get to sit, but I'm always in a meeting at that time; arguing with parents, hashing out educational decisions, and typing up Individual Education Plans.

The other day, when my boss was talking about where we would like to see ourselves in five years, all the while smiling at the infinite possibilities (note: in his mind), my close friend/coworker and I glanced at each other and whispered, "working part-time" at the exact same moment.

Which leads me to the infinite possibilities. There really aren't any when you work in a school system. I have my graduate degree is school psychology. Unless I go into private practice, the only thing that I can do is be a school psychologist. The jobs above school psychologists include assistant principal and principal, both which require more schooling. Plus, it's not really something that I'm interested in. Above that lies superintendent, which requires a stint as a principal. That's were the infinite possibilities of working in a school end.

I'm sure he was looking for answers like discover a cure for autism, or develop a new counseling technique, but sadly, I don't really have time for that while juggling three schools and 1,000 children. In the meantime, I'm running ragged, trying to make it to one meeting after another, with barely enough time to follow through with any of the plans that I've made for the day.

Which brings me to planning. I can plan a counseling session in a few minutes, but 4 out of 5 times, it doesn't come to fruition. Instead, a crisis undoubtedly occurs and I'm pulled in this direction or that. I can decide to lock myself in my office to write reports all day (which are 8 plus pages each), but someone usually finds me in my small closet and sends me upstairs to deal with the problem at hand.

There are a thousand things that I love about my job, and someday, I'll tell you all about them. In the meantime, there are certainly some things that I don't, which leaves me lusting for an office job. A job that will grant me four walls and privacy. A job that will enable me to read Perez Hilton whenever I please.

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