Monday, March 31, 2008

Ugh, it's Monday

Seriously, what a Monday!

I'm tired, so this one is going to be list-a-fied. It's the last day of NaBloPoMo, so I think a list will suffice quite nicely.

1. Within moments of stepping into work, I was bitched out by Thing #1 and Douche #2. Apparently, I missed a meeting this morning.

I got all the, "nice of you to show ups," and my personal favorite, "We had a meeting with M's mom today, at 8:15, when you were supposed to be here (said with major smirk on face), didn't you get my email?"

a. We never have meetings on Mondays, so sorry that I didn't anticipate this one.
b. I can't help it that people in Maryland drive like asshats when it rains. I was ten minutes late. Get over it. Or, buy me a new car with wings so that I can fly over the parked cars on the highway.
c. I don't love my job enough to sit around until 7pm on a Friday evening eagerly anticipating an email from you informing me about a meeting on Monday morning.
d. My job description does not include checking my work email on the weekends. Sometimes, you'll get lucky and I will--however, I can't promise you that. Pay me more and then maybe we'll talk.

2. Since I was SO late, the rest of the workday just flew by.

3. Because I was pissed, I left work half an hour early to stop at my main office headquarters. I had shit to do, and had to pick up protocols.

4. After working from 8-4 at the real job, I worked at the Loft from 4:30-9:00.

5. Beat is an understatement. I'm beat to the max.

6. I have to see Thing #1 and Douche #2 tomorrow. I really want to call out sick, but then they'll have more ammo. Decisions, Decisions.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Cat Mom and other things

I am pathetically sore today. We practiced kicking, catching and fielding for over two hours yesterday. I think I twisted something on my first run to first base.

Sweet. My legs and arms hurt and I think it's due to kickball. However, I may have sprained something last night when I thought it would be a good idea to drink an entire bottle of wine. Myself.

After practice, our coach, Hilary hosted a little party. While there, I think that I learned why cat ladies are sometimes referred to as crazy cat ladies. About five of my closest girlfriends also have cats. Whenever we get together, we sit in a little circle and ooh and ahh over our cats for at least an hour at a time (alcohol is involved).

We discuss their individual personalities, in depth. We talk about the cute things they did, and then obviously ask about pictures. Of course crazy cat ladies have their cameras on them at all times- because it's not everyday that fluffy hides in the laundry basket.

I think it's fun. My friends all know about how Snap is incredibly outgoing and that Sage is a lap cat. I know about all of their cats as well. Yes, we're lame, but we're cat ladies.

Okay, enough about cats.

Anyways, this morning, I woke up without a hangover (amazingly) and took a little trip to Safeway (the grocery store).

Now, I've told you about how I don't watch where I'm going, and can be a little rude sometimes. Well today, while pondering the egg selection, a little old lady starting talking to me. She said, "aiaosdhfa asdfaoidhna aowiehgbn asoiwef."

I replied with, "What?"

(yeah, I'm an ass sometimes. Pardon me would have been a better choice).

She said, "I said, we look like twins in our jean jackets."

Umm.. thanks lady. I look 89 and I happen to be wearing a jean jacket. I hightailed it out of there as fast as I could.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

200th Post

It's turning out to be a lovely little Saturday.

I woke up and made coffee and bengiets. Total heaven.

After that, I called Comcast b/c I hate them and my DVR was all messed up. While waiting, I heard yet another moronic statement.

"As heating and gas bills are rising, make the switch to Comcast digital voice"

Umm.. okay. That's totally related to heating and gas prices.

Anyways, after that, boyfriend finally agreed to cut his hair. However, he asked me to cut his hair. Umm.. Okay. I don't know how to cut hair, but lets just say that I tried and it was quite the experience. Boyfriend is practically bald now after my pathetic endeavor.

This afternoon, we're heading to the field to practice for kickball with our team. It's a gorgeous day, and I'm excited to get outside and kick the ball around.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Highlight of Friday

It's only 2 pm, but so far, the highlight of my day was seeing a lime green bug with an "I'd rather be at a Clay Aiken concert" bumper sticker on it.

Yeah, i'm an asshole, but seriously?

Clay Aiken?

I laughed for at least five minutes.

Thursday, March 27, 2008


Never discount...

1. A fantastic boyfriend

2. Fabulous friends

3. The power of a few Miller Lites.

Guess who had a fabulous time tonight?

Pick ME! Pick ME!

Draggin' It

This new job is getting in the way of my drinking habit.

I have to go to a kickball happy hour (my league is starting up again).

Honestly, I'd rather be laying around in my pjs.

Ugh. Draggin my ass there.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Oh and P.S.

It's 70 degrees in Maryland right now (at least where I leave--on the bay).

Oh, and it's 5:30 p.m.


Zip, Zilch, Nada, Nothing

I wish I could tell you some hysterical stories today, but I've got nothing. I'm exhausted. The loft continues to be a relatively fun job and the discount is quite fabulous. I was able to pick up a patent leather clutch for only $2.50 (be jealous). There hasn't been any crazy customers, yet- and our recent shipment is quite hideous, so I may even manage to save a few bucks.

Now, boyfriend says I've complained too much in the last two days, but screw it.. here's a few more.

1. Parents. If the school team calls you in to discuss your son's drawings (including guns, swords, giant eggs, and giant eggs stabbing people--with blood), please do not laugh when they show them to you.

Yes, I know- we're all a little too psychology happy lately.

No, I don't really think your kid is going to dress up like a giant egg and stab us.

However, society has forced us to at least bring the pictures to your attention.

Did we suspend him? No. Did we ground him? No. Did he miss his recess? No.

We just kindly asked mom to discuss the fact that you cannot draw an egg (or anything for that matter) killing something else at school.

Mom's response. Laughter. Followed by, well if you give him free reign over drawing, this is what he's going to draw.

Great- well if/when your son attacks you in your sleep, do not blame me.

Obviously, I do not have children... and if I did, I might think it's a little funny that my kid drew 17 eggs stabbing and killing people (okay maybe not funny, but I probably wouldn't take him to the nearest psych ward or anything). I'd probably invite my friends over for some wine and chat about the pictures. This is fine, (I've got another however), however, I would not laugh in front of the school staff. I mean seriously, these are the few people that you need to impress--in my humble opinion--and I'm not trying to be biased.

These people can make a snap judgement about what kind of parent you are and honestly, your reputation will follow you for at least as long as your child is enrolled in that school. Have one in fifth and one in third? Oh, your poor third grader. Do you really want to be known as the parent who laughed their ass off at us at our next happy hour?

*I really did start his post with zip, zilch, nada, nothing. You wouldn't know it though.*

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Little Rant

A NaBloPoMo List....

....To the a$$holes that can't drive.

1. get
2. out
3. of
4. my
5. way

6. do
7. not
8. cut
9. me
10. off

Monday, March 24, 2008

The Party

The Party: Dad opens beer pong.. and it's all down hill from there.

Me, Boyfriend, Sister, Sister's Boyfriend, Brother, Brother's Girlfriend, Mom and Dad started drinking at 3 p.m. The rest of the evening, is blurry history.

I became a fashion don't by 5 p.m. (i.e., I love pajama pants that don't match)

And we forgot our five year tradition of decorating eggs. Instead, we went rockin' bowling at 11:30 p.m. at the local bowling alley (I'm a little bummed that we forgot the eggs, but I couldn't care less on Saturday night).

Boyfriend, Brother and dad break out beer pong.

Boyfriend and Brother make weird gang signs (too bad they are whiter than white).

Mom and I pretend to pass out around 9 p.m.

I get my second wind and pretend i'm gangsta.

Seriously, who let me wear that outfit?

Whatever, i'm still cute.

Dance Party 2008.

Party Prep!

Please, just call me Martha Freakin' Stewart. Dad's 50th Birthday celebration went swimmingly (pun intended). Here are a few pics from our Jimmy Buffet themed luau. Above are the cupcakes I made for the party. The sharks and sand came out perfectly if I do say so myself. One slight snag- yes, I have two masters degrees, yet I set up the candles wrong. Oops. Someone else noticed and fixed them...... after I snapped all of the pictures.

Working in a school has it's perks. The random cut-out signs that I made for dad.

My Present. I think that the blow up monkey was a hit. But not quite the hit that the beer pong set that I bought my dad was. Those pictures will follow.

My sister bought us all appropriately themed shirts to wear for the celebration.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter

I hope you enjoyed your celebration!

I did.. Expect pictures and stories tomorrow! =]

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Countdown to EASTER!

This is going to be short and sweet.... I've got to....

1. Drive to NoVa (Northern Va for those of you who aren't from the mid-atlantic)

2. Set up our Jimmy Buffet B'day party for Pops. Dad's turning 5-0!

3. Drink margaritas... all night long.

I've got shark and sand cupcakes in tow, along with a beer pong set for dad and an inflatable monkey. Should be fun times for all.

Sidenote: I probably shouldn't have posted those dresses yesterday. Every time I look at my blog, I am IN-LOVE! Damn, I've got great taste. Dresses 2, 3 & 4 top my list of favorites.

Friday, March 21, 2008

No, I'm not engaged

But it's pay back time for all those comments, boyfriend.

NaBloPoMo List of the Day- Wedding Dresses I love. HA!

Now, picture a fall wedding (football season), one of these dresses, and a Redskins garter..

And girls, don't pretend like you didn't look for your gown at some point prior to your engagement.

I'm not into poof or glitter, but I'm all about classy looking lace.


Quite a stir

Who knew that this beautiful srunchie, ah, er, ahem garter belt could case such a stir?

Sidenote: I like it, I've finally hit the comment jack pot!

Poor boyfriend. His heart is broken. I think he has been fantasizing about me in that ever since he found that little gem on Amazon yesterday.

Although I am a fan of buying books and movies on Amazon, I think that it's safe to say that I don't necessary want anything on my body from Amazon on my wedding day.

John looked at my comments and said, Who is this Brooklyn Girl?

I said, well it's one of my very favorite friends. And P.S. John, I'm on her side. A gem would look nice on my hand.

His reply: Oh, I'll get you a gem. It's a diamond that is expensive.

Apparently I'm going to have a hard time wrangling this boyfriend in.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Meet Me Down at the Truck Stop

My dear, darling boyfriend just asked me if I would wear this when we get married.

He even added a please.

I said, honey, what about a steelers one?

His reply, well i'm the one that has to take it off and throw it into the crowd.

Why dream of diamonds and wedding gowns when I can fantasize about a 1980's redskin scrunchie with tacky lace attached.


Of course, I go to the store to pick up eggs... and I pick up everything but the eggs.

Hot Damn.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Need more inspiration?

The A Family Easter Eggs circa 2005 and 2006

Easter Eggs

My family is not too serious about much. But, we are serious about decorating Easter Eggs. Every year we sit down at the dining room table on the night before Easter and get to work.

It's a stiff competition. No one gives hints, people hide their materials, and the neighbor judges to determine the winner.

This year we're having an even bigger celebration. My dad turns fifty on Easter, so my brother, sister and I have planned a Jimmy Buffet/Tropical themed party for him. Really it's just us kids, significant others, and my mom-- but we're decorating and making festive luau food on Saturday night. The egg decorating night.

These little beauties (the bat and the pirate) are the eggs that I designed and put together for Easter 2007. I really need to come up with something for this weekend. Unfortunately, my brain doesn't seem to want to cooperate. Anyone have any luau/Jimmy Buffet/tropically themed ideas?

And you BETTER not tell them that I'm cheating (via the internet--begging for help).

Spring Break

Spring break just isn't quite as cool when you're an adult.

Although I'm glad to have two days off of work, it doesn't leave enough time to travel anywhere warm and exotic. Plus, I've never missed a holiday with my family, so I'm not too keen on taking off and heading somewhere else for a weekend.

Gone are the days of seven day benders in Acapulco. Man, I was so skinny back then. Maybe someday I'll post a picture.

Today was dreary and rainy. I was a waste of space at work, came home and took a nap with my Sagey and then lounged around on the couch, catching up with my other bestfriend; the DVR. It's not like I've been doing a ton more lately, but this week left me beat...and it's only Wednesday.

My list for the day will include the ten places that I really want to visit.

1. Greek Islands
2. Italy
3. Heck, the Mediterranean in general
4. Turks and Caicos
5. Fiji
6. Western Caribbean Islands
7. Hawaii
8. Scotland
9. Belize
10. Mexico, Pacific side

Not incredibly exotic, but I don't have even a slight desire to hit up Asia or India. I'm all about the beach and chillin out.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Bullet Points

1. I went from one job to another. My feet hurt.

2. The loft is actually kinda fun. I enjoyed playing with the register. =]

3. SCORE! Someone returned a pair of black dress pants today- size 6 (it was fate). They were price adjusted to $3.88 from $69.00 (few months old). I snapped those up and took them home for $2.00

4. Will write more tomorrow. I'm off to watch trashy reality TV and eat grilled cheese.

5. Spring Break starts tomorrow. Hell yeah to three days off!

Monday, March 17, 2008

How did you find me?

Okay, forget not calling people out, i'm trying to enjoy my wine, but i'm laughing my ass off.. How people find my blog is friggin' random.

Here is the search data from the last week-- according to stat counter.

2 via Crazy Cat Lady
2 via How I met my boyfriend (okay, fine)
1 via Lady MILFS (huh)
1 via Big Lady Hole (double huh?)
1 via nablopomo list
1 via Lady Milf
1 via Black Pumps Gallery
1 via Crazy Tests (haha, yup, that's my job)
1 via fix muffin top
1 via The Lady MILF
1 via Lady Puts Cat in Dryer (SWEET. NOPE).
1 via Crazy Cat Lady Psychology
1 via Cats Snap
1 via MILF with Knife (SCARY)
1 via my layd desing (huh)
1 via pork chops pro and cons
1 via you might be a crazy cat lady test

Okay, maybe it's the wine. But i'm amused.

PLUS there's my list for the day. BOOYA.

Happy St. Patty's Day

I hope you had a fabulous St. Patty's Day.

I spent mine with 400 or so snotty nosed kids.

I did wear my new green flats though. Although, I've already worn them about 5 times, so it's not like I need an excuse to throw on a pair of colorful shoes.

I came home and made Sheperd's pie for boyfriend. I'm not Irish, but he is. I decided to be nice and feed him like mom would.

I have to work tomorrow from 8-4 at the real job and then 4:30-8:30 at the not so real job. Sunday wasn't bad at all, but I have a bad feeling about tomorrow.

Until then, I'm off to enjoy a glass of wine with boyfriend. So not Irish, but that's all we've got.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

7th Heaven

7 Weird, Strange and/or Random things about ME

1. I've never received a speeding ticket and i've been driving (and sometimes speeding) for 10 years.

2. The only time i've been pulled over was for tailgating. Tailgating a police officer that is.

Umm, ma'am do you know why you're being pulled over?

No, I really don't.

Well you were riding me a little close.

Is that against the law?

Best part is, is that I had my 10, 12, and 15 yr old cousins with me in the car--all of which are half black. He was like, what are you doing with them? I told him that they were mine.

Then he asked me if I was driving a rental car (I was picking them up from the airport).

Well sir, if I was riding you that closely, didn't you notice my Steelers license plate, star decals, College Decals and Steelers stickers?

3. I've moved 15 times and I've lived in more than a handful of states. As my father likes to tell people, "Ashley gets around." (Sweet, thanks for making me sound like a hooker, dad).

4. I never liked cats until I randomly decided to come home with two. I've been anti-cat and cat-phobic my entire life. I went to the pound to pick up one chihuahua and came home with two kittens. Now, i'm a bonafide cat lover.

5. I love random veggies that others deem disgusting such as spinach, brussel sprouts, asparagus, artichokes etc. I hate peas and cooked carrots.

6. I'm very indecisive when it comes to little decisions (such as when to eat, where to eat etc.) , but I can make big ones in a snap.

7. I have a significant aversion to mayonaise. If my mom even cut my sandwich with a knife that had previously touched mayonaise, I could tell and wouldn't eat it.

Okay, now it's your turn. I tag The Cat's Pajamas, Amanda from Pulling a Miranda, Laurie from Darth Mama and Brook from Koyaanisgatsi

50% off like woah

So today was my first day at the second job.

I had a rough start to the day after a fabulous night outside drinking margaritas and coronas at the local Mexican joint. After departing, boyfriend and I stayed up to enjoy some wine and a little Saturday Night Live. It was a fabulous night. Boyfriend is so busy with two jobs and two classes that it was probably the best night we've had in awhile. Swoon.

Work wasn't bad at all. It was a four hour shift and entirely manageable. I watched some videos, watched a runway show and dressed clients in a virtual dressing room. I even got to try on clothes for about an hour to see the different shapes and styles that are available.

50% off is amazing, but it's going to be trouble. I can already tell.

Dreaded Monday is almost upon us, so I'll leave you with a list of my favorite things (I'm trying to focus on the positive, not Monday).

1. Trader Joes Garlic Bread Twists (WHICH are discontinued... I think)

2. Strawberry Daquiri and Melon Cooler Body Lotion by Bath and Body Works

3. Funfetti Cupcakes

4. Salads with Turkey and Muenster slices

5. Making my own favorite salad dressing-- a little EVOO, a little dijon mustard, and a little lemon juice. Delish.

6. Margaritas

7. Cotton Candy and Snow Cones

8. Anything Purple

9. Preppy Spring Clothes- particularly blues, greens, stripes and nautically inspired items.

10. Mini Golf and Bowling (I've got my own purple bowling shoes)

11. Snap and Sage (they are obviously #1)

12. Chipotle- fajita burrito bowl to be exact

13. Colgate CinnaMint Whitening Toothpaste

14. Flats. In assorted colors. I wear them every day.

15. Peppermint Tea

16. Sleeping In

Saturday, March 15, 2008

I still <3 Spring

I am a big fan of my new and improved patio arrangement.

I <3 Spring

It's 65 in Maryland right now, and I'm loving it.

I need a reasons that I love spring list.. it's about time. =]

1. Gardening! Today was my seasonal trip to home depot for flowers.

2. Skirts and Dresses. I can't wait to wear a dress everyday again. It's just so easy.

3. Flip Flops. If only I could wear them to work.

4. BBQ's. There is nothing better than corn on the cob, cheeseburgers and cold beer.

5. Fresh Air. I'm a fan of leaving the windows open at night.

6. Eating and Happy hours outside. Self explanatory.

7. Almost Summer. I enjoy 2 month breaks from the kids.

I'm sure that I could think of a million more, but I'm off.

I start work at the loft tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Pass the Corona

What a week. I'm back to testing a bazillion kajillion fajillion kids this month and it's really annoying. I hope you enjoy reports that are cut and pasted cause you don't pay me enough to work on weekends.

Seriously, I don't feel a lot busier, but apparently I have been. I wasn't even able to check email yesterday at work. I prefer spending at least half the day on Google chat. I mean come on.

I had to tell my first parent that their child had mental retardation today. I did it as an intern, but my supervisor was right by my side. For some reason, that made it easier. One of the gate keepers in the county was at my school today to discuss this very difficult case. The actual IEP meeting isn't until the 26th, but we send our reports home 10 days prior to the meeting. I wasn't entirely comfortable sending a report that said MR home without some kind of warning.

As a result, she asked- do you mind calling mom to tell her about it beforehand? Um, no, sure, of course not. Obviously I was shaking in my boots, but I'm not going to tell head honcho that. She said, well that's why you get the big bucks and make more than a teacher.

Oh yeah, big bucks eh? So big that I had to get a part time job at the loft.

Surprisingly, it went over as well as it could have. It wasn't traumatic, I didn't make mom cry, and she seemed to handle it relatively well. I think she knew. I'm not a parent, but I feel like even if they don't admit it, they know that something is wrong. I'm hoping I don't have to deal with another one of these cases for awhile.

At 3:15 I headed to happy hour. I just got home at 9pm. I told you that I can't keep happy hour to an hour. The Coronas were flowing and we feasted on Mexican delicacies. After a few beers, we sobered up by walking the mall. I picked up some pretty sweet deals too. I love the people that I work with. They are a fabulously fun group of people and I'm really happy at two of my schools.

Hey, two out of three ain't bad.

Thank goodness for great friends who understand and Friday night.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

On my nerves

A list for today (since I've got nothing)

4 Things that get on my nerves:

1. Messes. Poor boyfriend can attest to that (his bedroom is one giant vertical closet). I'm anally organized- at least in the areas that you can see. It's very strange. My closets and cupboards can be disorganized, but a pillow out of place or a dirty napkin on the counter will drive me bonkers.

I think that I have improved in this area lately - a.k.a. - I've become better at hiding my annoyance, until I can run over there and straighten everything up.

In fact, I'm so anti-mess that I have a hard time shopping at Walmart. Crap everywhere just stressed me out.

2. Easily Offended People. I'm talking about the kind of people who dish it out, but can't take it. Trust me, I'm a pretty sarcastic person and I dish it out. But, I can also take it.

Example: the people making a fuss about Starbucks making the skinny latte. Well, Duh! It discriminates against fat people.

PUHLEASE. No one is going to walk into Starbucks and order 1 full fat, mega calorie latte. Regardless of their size. As far as I'm concerned, when it comes to coffee, skinny refers to skim milk.

Example: People who call me an asshole, but get all defensive when I call them a shithead.

3. The Alarm Clock Buzzer. I hate that annoying, shrieking sound. Lately, I've seen a few commercials with alarm clocks in them, and it's almost sent me over the edge.

4. Not Enough Information. I'm chatty and I like to be in the know. I find it extremely annoying when people edit the information that they share. Boyfriend is going to have to be the example. I love him A LOT, but they boy doesn't share information well.

I like to know who, what, when, where, why and how. Boyfriend is happy just knowing what.

*I was going to make this a long list- but it's like I come down with a case of dementia when I actually sit down to write out the list.

I actually went out to the living room to ask boyfriend what annoys me when I could only come up with three. To be honest, boyfriend provided 4... and it really does DRIVE ME NUTS.

Ask me on a normal random day and my brain will be full of this useless information. Of course not when I need it.*

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

May I blame the dryer?

Dear Maytag,

I don't like to complain (maybe)- so I'm going to keep this short, simple and to the point.

1. Yes, so I have put on a few pounds this winter.

2. Why do you need to make my life worse by shrinking my clothes even more? You make every morning depressing. Well, at least whenever I have fresh laundry.

3. I thought fluffy dry clothes were a good thing. Am I supposed to start letting them air dry?



Dear Ashley,

Perhaps you need to lay off the swedish fish. Was that a one pound bag you consumed last week alone?

lovingly yours,
The Dryer

I hate my dryer. Seriously, I had to try on three pairs of pants this morning to find one that didn't give me camel toe (TMI, I know) and/or that didn't cut off my circulation at the waist.

Yes, I know I need to diet or maybe get off my ass- but seriously. That doesn't explain it all.

Did my attempt to become more of an apple shape cause my legs to grow 2 inches? I didn't think so.

I'm happy to report that I'll have 3 new pairs of capris this summer. ALL of which I can't fit into. SUPER SWEET.


In other news.. if you think boyfriend is hot now (Umm, duh- I do)- you should have seen him as a little kid.

We're going to make some seriously gorgeous children someday.

Easily Amused?

I LOVE it!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008


Okay, I know this is post number four- but this is info that has to be shared (sorry to those of you that have heard it in the past) from EBATES.

*I know it sounds shady, but it's honestly not. I've already made oodles of cash back for ridiculous purchases I would have made anyways*

Through March 31st, 2008,

Refer One Friend: you and your friend will get $10. (Yes YOU will get 10 dollars)

Refer Two Friends: your friends will get $10. (If I get two of you to sign up, you'll BOTH get ten more)

Then, if you turn around and invite 2 family members, friends, boyfriends etc., You'll get a $20 Bonus plus a $10 Target Gift Card! To get your $30, simply send this signup link to your friends:

Enter my email address: as the referral address and we both win big.

I'm sure that a few of you signed up for this- but there is one catch. You have to make at least one purchase between the time you sign up and 30 days for the ten dollar bonus. The positive twist is that your purchase can be a 5 dollar mascara with free shipping.

On a roll

Wow- 3 posts in one night-- but this had to be shared.

My friend Conigs pointed me in the right direction.

I'm so glad that he was voted off idol. AND he wears more make-up than I do.

You wonder why kids today have problems?

Daylight Savings totally strange.

I'm all about sunlight, and I enjoy the longer days. But seriously, it feels like it's 4pm right now. That's really not helping my go to bed early cause.

The worst part is that when I woke up this morning, it was still dark. Just a little before 7am. Gross.

Tuesday that felt like a Monday

Today, DRAGGED. Well, at least the morning did. The afternoon and night will pass by in a flash. Just like any time other time I'm not at work (I'd prefer the opposite).

I dragged my butt into work. I'm feeling slightly better *knock on wood* and I didn't really want to miss two days in a row. I'd rather save my sick days for April or May-- when the weeks stretch out so long without a single day off.

Work wasn't bad, it was just ridiculously long. Plus, I felt faint for a little bit there. That hasn't happened to me in a long time. Maybe it's anxiety, maybe it's my cold, maybe it's the fact that I was up every single hour last night--but regardless, it's not a fun feeling.

I faint more than your average person, so I know what it feels like. Luckily, I haven't fainted since last January, but since I know what it feels like, I'm hyper sensitive to anything remotely similar to a faint feeling. Mine usually starts with a weird brain/ear sensation.

I didn't faint- but of course it made me nervous for the rest of the day. Until the meetings started. It's too hard to be a hypochondriac when you're trying to rattle off psychological assessment results.


Later, after work, I finally had my tooth fixed. It was not an amusing experience-- and I sat the chair for no less than 40 minutes.

Of course the filling that fell out is the last top tooth on the right side. Not particularly easy to reach.

Plus, I got the giggles in the chair which didn't help matters. The hygienist next door kept talking and talking and talking. Finally, I just started cracking up and was like, "she doesn't stop, does she?"

I suppose a dental hygienist is a good job for a motor mouth- but I find it slightly annoying. It's not like I can answer you back while not one, but two peoples' hands are in my mouth rooting around with picks, mirrors, cotton balls and drills. I mean come on. I'd much rather be participating in the conversation, do you have to make the situation worse for me?


At least (my list for the day)...

1. Tomorrow is Wednesday
2. Tomorrow is pay day!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Don't fret...

I got the job. I was beginning to get a complex.

I start on Sunday. Lets hope I can handle two jobs.

Sewing Machine-1, Ashley-0

So, today- I blame my delusional head cold sick mind- I decided that it was time to start sewing again. My parents bought me a sewing machine two Christmases ago, and I was eager to try it. So eager, that I let it sit for two years (I legitimately wanted the sewing machine- I just never had the time to try it).

What better time to start sewing, than when you are home sick with a cold? Ha, I can name a few.

I had visions of grandeur dancing through my head as I perused JoAnn Fabrics. In seventh grade I was a sewing super star in home-ec. Yeah, it's been about fifteen years, but whatever. I made my cousin Moriah an "M" shaped pillow with moo-cow fabric and black piping detailing. It was amazing. She has slept with it every night since- and she's 16 now. Every time she comes to visit I admire my work- considering the fact that it's lasted so long.

Well today, I decided to start easy. A cat bed for the kitties, and perhaps a fleece Steelers throw (Steelers fleece was 50% off).

Apparently, sewing is a skill that deteriorates after oh, 15 some odd years. I've spent the last two hours snorting loudly (in an attempt to breath) and cursing the sewing machine (damn bobbin). I'll spare you the details, but basically, I'm bobbin challenged. I can transfer my thread to the bobbin, but everything after that makes me want to throw the thing out the window.

Ugh, my head hurts.

Home Sick

I'm home sick. I still feel like crap.. i.e. my nose won't work, my face feels puffy, my ears feel whack, and I'm coughing up things that should not be coughed up.

I'm getting seriously sick of being sick. I was sick on Thanksgiving, I was sick in January, and here we are again. Full circle. Being the insane hypochondriac that I am, I'm about to bust into my doctors office and claim that something is terribly wrong with me and attacking my immune system every month.

I know I'm a hypo, but seriously- is my immune system really that bad? I remember being sick once tops in years past. If I don't get over this fast- I'm calling 9-1-1 and heading straight to the nursing home.

To top it all off, I had a nightmare in which I was bitched out by boss for taking today off. Great, can't wait to see her tomorrow.

In other, more romantic news (ha) Snap finally slept with me last night. Now, Snap- he's freakin' adorable, but he's not very cuddly. He will tolerate being held for about 5 minutes before worming his way out of reach. Last night, my dear, darling Snap, cuddled right up under my arm and slept. Today, Sage has been laying the smack down- jealously I presume. That's her spot.

Unfortunately I only have one arm to spare every night. Boyfriend needs some attention too.

I called the dentist- my tooth cannot be fixed today. I'm slightly bummed, since I'm already off--but I'm getting over it. I'm not so sure I would want to mix Novocaine mouth with stuffy nose and whack ears.

Sunday, March 9, 2008


Still toothless... and still feeling like crap.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Hole in my head

Seriously? No, Seriously?

I already feel like sh*t-- and NOW my tooth filling has fallen out.

Not just a little filling either- I was left with a massive hole in my mouth.

I ran out to get over the counter cement with boyfriend, but seriously. Why me?


Look what I woke up to. Thanks boyfriend.

In other news, my throat hurts. Do I really need to be sick four times this winter? Ugh.

Friday, March 7, 2008


Still no call from the loft.

Visions of a cute new green trench are slowly fading.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

A NaBloPoMo List

Okay fine- I'll make a list.

Things I want to do this week:

1. Win the lottery (ha, I don't play)

2. Retire rich at 26

3. Take an exotic vacation to Fiji

4. Become important and declare that Mondays are national holidays -- every week. Just cause.

5. Find a Nikon D40 outside of my doorstep wrapped in a big red bow

6. Take a walk from my car to the store and find a wad of hundreds on the ground

7. Take an all expense paid ski trip to Utah. While there I will ice skate, go tubing, and sit in the hot tub drinking vats of Cristal.

I wonder why I'm disappointed so frequently.

So Fierce

So, as an avid Project Runway watcher, I have to say that I'm relatively excited that Christian won the show.

Throughout the entire season, I definitely thought that his designs were fierce and he was certainly my favorite designer.

He could be a bit much personality wise, but seriously, his clothes were flawless.

However, if I'm going to be honest, I have to admit that I think Jillian's clothes were amazing during the finale. In my personal opinion, her clothes stole the show. I loved the silhouettes and the skirts were adorable.

She was never my favorite on the show. Her voice made me sleepy and I wasn't into the jean jumpers she wore 27/7. I am pleased that Rami lost- I think he was a dud. His personality was about as exciting as the pet rock I had in the first grade.


In other news, thank you for Thursday. I am ridiculously beat this week. It's pathetic.

Lastly, I may be the only graduate degree holding person in the world to be rejected by ATLoft. I haven't heard anything yet. Hopefully I will soon- she seemed to get a kick out of me and talked about what I would do when they hired me. Hmmm.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Tis' the season

Tonight, I had my first annual porch night of the season.

It's beginning to feel a lot like spring. The weather in Maryland has topped out at 65 degrees every day since Sunday.

What better way to celebrate tolerable weather than with a box of wine and a seat in a lawn chair outside.

*Side note: sorry my list skills suck as of late. I'll save them for when I'm desperate.*

That's Bunk

I did a survey yesterday (didn't finish) and saved it on blogger. I just finally published it thinking, phew-i'm done for the day. =]

Apparently not-- now that's it's hidden below two more "recent" posts.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008


After today went sour, I totally forgot that Yo-Jo came to school today. Yo-Jo taught our 3rd, 4th, & 5th graders all about studying for the MSA (Maryland State Assessment).

Apparently, we are so obsessed with state-wide testing, that we have cartoon characters who come into our schools to stress the importance of being well rested, well fed and attentive on the biggest day of your young lives. Dum, Dum, Dum...State Assessment Day.

Let me tell you- Yo-Jo is one crazy Mo-Fo. He went running through the crowds shaking his big blue booty. He sat on one teacher's lap, pretended to kiss the custodian, and for the grand finale, he came over to me- took my hand and performed a little slow dance. In front of about 100 kids and teachers.

I can only imagine that my face was all sorts of red. Nothing like being harassed by a 300 pound hairy Yo-Jo.


Seriously, I cannot handle anymore bad, stressful or unexciting news this week. For the past two days, I have flinched every time my phone rings expecting to hear bad news.

This happens to me every now and again. Whenever my mom calls at a random time, I freak out thinking someone is in the hospital or was in an accident. It has happened in the past, so it's not completely neurotic, but just a little ridiculous nonetheless.

Yesterday, I enjoyed a fabulous evening in with boyfriend. Halfway through our movie, my mom called. Apparently she and my father witnessed someone committing suicide (gun to his own head) while walking the dog on the dog path at 8a.m. The man was impeccably dressed and had a shiny wedding ring on. He had taped his license to his chest. They called the cops and were questioned by the detectives (only as witnesses of course). This of course freaked me out.

Especially because not even one year ago, my mom and grandmother witnessed another suicide while on vacation in Texas. My mother and grandmother were sitting outside on the patio, when a young, 16 year old man jumped off the top ledge of the building across the street. When they ran over to the boy, it was too late.

Seriously, what are the chances of witnessing this sort of thing not once, but twice. I've begged and pleaded for my mom to at least see someone or talk to someone and she refuses (ha, and her daughter is a psychologist). Of course, being a psychologist, I'm very concerned about PTSD and other residual problems. Mom was shaken after the first incident, but was fine later. However, now it's happened two times, i'm concerned (can you tell i'm the first born and that I got the worrying gene).

I may be wrong. My brother was a senior at Virginia Tech last year and lived through the attacks there. I was insanely worried that he would develop PTSD and other problems. But, he lived through it and doesn't seem to have any stress or problems surrounding the event.

Anyways, last night I was a little shaken up, but I went to bed and woke up in a better frame of mind. Then, this afternoon, I got a call that my sister was in the ER. Apparently, she came home from work at 12 complaining of a bad headache, and began shaking, throwing up and could not move her neck. My mom rushed her to the hospital (she lives with moms and pops). So, when my dad called me I had a little mini-panic attack and began freaking out again. She had a CT scan and a few other tests. The doctors were concerned about meningitis (lovely, I was just with her three days ago), but later ruled it out--not entirely, but the new drugs that they gave her helped with her neck, so now she's supposed to monitor herself for the next few days.

Thankfully, she was released from the hospital and went back home with my mom. They think it was just a migraine and are sending her to a neurologist. I know it's not great news, but I'm so relived it wasn't something a lot worse. Especially since my sister has spent half of her life throwing up on a weekly basis and with migraines. They thought it was just acid reflux and regular old migraines, but maybe they'll find out what the real problem is.

In other news.. I had my interview at ATLoft today. I think it went well and they'll call me tomorrow with the news. I'm not psyched, but I keep thinking- 50% off, 50% off, 50% off. It's my new mantra.

Sort of a list....

What accessories do you wear everyday? Everyday, diamond stud earrings and my DKNY silver watch. I mix it up in regards to necklaces daily.

What is your beauty routine? Brush teeth, shower, make-up, run out of the door (b/c I'm late) with wet hair.

What was the last item of clothing you bought? Green suede flats.

Do you use a dresser, closet, or both? A walk in closet and a giant dresser. Both of which are filled--which explains all of the under the bed boxes.

What type of earrings are in your ears right now? Diamond studs

What type of figure do you have? One that is not bathing suit ready.

Do you wear glasses? On rare occasions. I have them, but they are only used while driving at night (sometimes.. safe, I know) and at the movie theater.

What type of handbag do you carry? One for four coach purses.

What is your ideal style? Classic, All-American

What jewelry are you wearing right now? A watch and earrings. Didn't you ask me this already?

Do you wear knee-hi stockings? Do you mean trouser socks. Why, yes. With dress pants and pumps.

Do you have to wear matching lingerie? I have them, but I don't wear them regularly. They aren't as comfortable.

Do you wear makeup? Mascara, Eye Shadow, Chapstick/Lipgloss and concealer when needed.

Do you wear nightgowns? I wear chemises

What outerwear do you put on when going out on a typical winter's day? Herringbone long car coat.

Is your motto "quality over quantity"? I prefer to mix it up. I have some quality classics, but the trendy stuff is bought in quantity.

Do you wear rain boots? Yes, red with polka dots to be exact.

Do you wear socks or slippers when your feet get cold? I hate socks. Slippers all the way.

Do you have a set of travel luggage? Yes, a lavender set.

What is your daily uniform? Tailored pants from either Banana Republic, or Ann Taylor, a cashmere sweater or cardigan set, a wrap dress, or a skirt and top. I always try to wear funky shoes. Even my flats are plaid or fun colors.

If you are married, did you wear a veil with your wedding dress? I'm not married yet...But I'm not sure if I'm going to wear one. Ideally, I want to get married on the beach or on a boat in a great dress and flip flops. I want the wind in my hair and a clam bake reception with lobster. However, I don't think that's going to fly with boyfriend.

What item of clothing always makes you feel extremely beautiful? Black pants. Boring, but they work.

What is your favorite type of yarn? Cashmere, DUH!

Do you prefer zippers or buttons? Buttons are the perfect detail.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Recipe Time

It's Monday, I don't have anything exciting to say besides funny kid stories, and they aren't going over nearly as well as I thought they would.

Instead, you're getting a recipe. Our dinner tonight to be exact.

John is all about comfort food. His favorites include Shepard's Pie, Meat Loaf, Chicken and Dumplings, Meat Pies etc.

Tonight, I convinced him to incorporate some veggies back into our daily lives (and no, I don't mean potatoes,

Johnny boy).

So tonight, I give you.....

Stir-Fried Chicken with Snow Peas

1 lb of Chicken, Pork, Tofu or Shrimp cut into thin strips (shrimp excluded)
4 oz baby corn on the cobs
1 tbsp peanut oil
1 garlic clove, finely chopped
1 inch piece of ginger root, cut into thin sticks
3 1/2 cups of Snow Peas
14 oz can of bamboo shoots
2 tsp soy sauce
2 tsp rice wine
4 tbsp veggie stock
2 tsp cornstarch
2 tbsp water
1 carrot, julienned
1-2 scallions, sliced

1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp rice wine
2 tsp corn starch

1. Mix all marinade ingredients together in a dish, seasoning with pepper or Chinese five spice. Add Chicken and let chill for 20 minutes.

2. Heat half the oil in a wok and stir fry chicken until done. Set aside.

3. Add remaining oil and garlic and cook until golden. Add ginger, bamboo shoots, snow peas and stir fry for 3 minutes.

4. Add soy sauce, rice wine, veggie stock, and cook for 2-3 minutes. Mix the cornstarch and water, add to wok and stir until thickened.

5. Return chicken and juices to wok, and add corn. Cook until heated through. Garnish with scallions, and serve over rice or noodles.

Why Mondays are lame.

1. They are not Saturday.

2. They are not Sunday.

3. They are ridiculously far away from the weekend.

4. Repeat list.

8. Repeat list.

12. Repeat list.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Calling you out.

Uhhh... I just checked statcounter for the first time in a long time.

Two people found my blog by searching for "MILF with Knife."


Keep on rollin'

I know I say this every week, but seriously? Sunday already?!?!

It has been a productive little weekend though. Like I mentioned in my previous (a.k.a horrendous) weekend post, I traveled to NoVa to visit the family yesterday.

Poor boyfriend, he didn't realize just how out of control my family can be. Boyfriend was put to work upon arrival--hanging cabinets with my father.

My parents are all about upgrading. Every time that I have ever walked into their house, something is different. A couch is reupholstered. A kitchen is completely gutted and redone, the upstairs bathroom (that seemed perfect to me) just underwent a $20,000 renovation. I swear, you would think you were in Greece when you walk into their bathroom. They have a mini spa pool (and I mean pool) and a shower that could fit a small army (with shower heads that hit you in every direction).

Amazingly, my parents do 99% of the work themselves. They are Mr. and Mrs. Fix-It. However, since they are getting older, they need to employ the help of the boyfriends. Yesterday, my mom actually told boyfriend, "Thank god, we didn't know if any of our kids were going to find a man, manly enough to help out." Gee, thanks mom (...and sorry ex boyfriends--maybe).

I'll forgive them though-- because thanks to my parents, I can cook, clean, sew, garden, and hang drywall. All-by-my-self. Okay, well, the drywall is a little tough by myself, but I know what to do if the need arises.

This is a side story, but in all honesty, but I've been hanging drywall since I was 8. My parents overhauled every house we've ever lived in. Instead of regular chores, my dad would make me hold drywall up with my brother and sister while he worked the screw gun. When I visited last month, I was once again holding up drywall to convert an unused part of the garage into a larger closet for the family room.

In exchange for the help, dad bought me turbo tax and mom bought me a pair of cute green suede flats from the Gap. Score. I wish I didn't rent. I would definitely call my parents over for a closet overhaul. I am busting at the seams here. Boyfriend won too, he was rewarded with a homemade sirlion steak and baked potato dinner.

I was even more excited when I found out that my tax refund was going to be four digits long. Even better. After I finished with turbo tax, I turned around and said-- well, maybe I don't need that extra job at Ann Taylor Loft. Mom and boyfriend quickly vetoed that decision.

It's true too- although I'm getting back four digits, I just bought a few of the ensembles that I posted below online (BTW Brook the dress is ADORABLE) and I'm hoping they'll price adjust them to 50% off I get the job. Anyone in retail and know if they will do that?

Last night, after a long day with the family, we played rock band with a few of my friends. I am obsessed with rock band--and sing star, and DDR, oh, and American idol. We weren't allowed to play video games when we were younger (we didn't have time, we were too busy grouting the tile in the bathroom), so now I'm taking full advantage. Video games are steadily improving by the day. Now I just need to convince boyfriend to leave his PS3 over at my place. He basically lives here anyways (I've already convinced him to let me borrow his xbox- score one for the Ashley team).

Today I'm trying to be relatively productive with boring things, like laundry, vacuuming and errands. I've already made it to the mall (to make returns), the grocery store (lean cuisine is 5 for 10 bucks) and to CVS. Plus, I've got chicken and dumplings simmering in the crock pot.

Now, if only I didn't have to work tomorrow.

*does NaBloPoMo have to be all about lists? if so, I blew this one.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

First Day

Oh snap. Of course the first day of NaBloPoMo falls on a Saturday.

This is going to be quick since we're headed out the door.

I'll give you an awful first post about the weekend wrap-up.

1. I drank a ridiculous amount of wine at Happy Hour yesterday. Boyfriend had to come save me and drive my car home.

2. I'm taking boyfriend to NoVa for the day. I need daddy to help me with my taxes.

3. Rock Band party tonight. Seriously, I love that game.

4. I have an interview at ATLoft on Tuesday. I think i'm really going to do this.