Monday, January 11, 2010

The Bachelor: Episode 2- Review

Well, things happened fast right off the bat. Within moments we're in the limo for the first group date. There's a lot of woohooos and oohs and ahhs.

Jake, I see that you took my advice and you're sporting blue. Good job, man.

Apparently when you sign up for The Bachelor nowadays, you also get to model in In Style magazine. Roslyn's showing her cha-cha to the camera and Christina's freaking out (four minutes later-- she's still freaking out). Jake saves the day by slow dancing with her to no music-- in broad daylight-- in front of 5 other girls. Gag me.

The girls from group date #1 are enjoying cocktails by the pool. Gia really annoys me. You may think she's hot, but I think she needs speech therapy. Here comes Ashleigh (not from Pittsburgh) in her bikini. The rest of the girls dub her the "Bikini Buster."

but wait.. while she's straddling Jake in the pool, the rest of the girls decide to become bikini busters too and spoil her date.

Christina got drunk and she's acting crazy. She's humming the Twilight Zone theme song and told him she wants a baby during their alone time. Too soon, my friend. Too soon.

Rozlyn comes to steal him away. The girls think that she's super hot, but I think she looks like she partied a little too hard while she was in her early twenties. Rozlyn went in for the kiss and wins "The Rose." After the rose, she discusses her strategy with the camera and informs them that she beats bitches up when they mess with her. Forgive me, but you shouldn't need a strategy to fall in love with someone.

Ali wins the first alone date and probably 15 carats worth of diamonds. She wears a cute little yellow satin dress and four inch heels for a motorcycle ride around town. Jake takes her to the airport, despite the fact that she told him that she's afraid of flying on night one. Ali looks like she's going to have a panic attack as he buckles her in, but flying was so easy with that stud Jake by her side. sigh. They are flying high up on the wings of love (could have done without that song playing in the background). Hooray, they arrive alive and a old time sports car is waiting for them to whisk them away to.......

no, not a castle..... a large grassy field.

Ali gets the rose and the kiss. She's def. my favorite so far.

Moving on to group date #2. What do you know, Jake's wearing blue again and the girls are all inappropriately dressed for a day at the amusement park. They really should give these girls a fashion heads up prior to the date.

Elizabeth steals Jake away from the rest of the WOO girls. Apparently Elizabeth gets naked and writes letters. She told Jake not to kiss her until he proposes to her. Elizabeth is trying to play hard to get. It appears to be working to her advantage since Jake is an "old fashion guy" who just happens to make out with all the other girls when Elizabeth isn't looking.

I'm not really feeling any of the girls on group date #2. Vienna isn't my type and Ashley is too WOO for me. Vienna told Jake about how she used to be married. Jake didn't seem too phased by that. Seriously, most of the girls on group date # 2 are duds. He didn't even give face time to 2 of the girls on the date. I'm guessing that they'll be axed at the rose ceremony.

Elizabeth gets "the rose" of the night and admits to playing hard to get. I liked her on the first night, but I'm not really feeling her anymore. She's a total tease and she's trying to pressure Jake into a kiss. Tease, Tease, Tease.

It's time for the rose ceremony cocktail party. Jake has no clue about who he's going to send home. Ya, right. Jake steals away the birthday girl-- you know, the girl who didn't even get a date this week. Jake surprised her with a cupcake and Ella thinks he's just the sweetest thing. I think she really owes her thanks to Chris Harrison, who probably planned the whole thing, but whatevs.

Okay, maybe Vienna is kinda funny. I like when she makes fun of Michelle. Michelle is a total drama queen. She's cried every time she's had one-on-one time. Cut the strings my man. She's too much to handle. Ha, and Jake calls her out on crying every time they are together. Love it.

Oh Snap, here comes Chris. He pulls Rozlyn outside (I knew that girl was a ho). Rozlyn plays dumb for a little bit. Chris informs her that the staffer was fired and that they know she was getting frisky with him on the side. Chris doesn't think it's fair to allow her to try to build a meaningful relationship with Jake. Rozlyn doesn't think that her personal life is anyone's business and doesn't want people to judge her poorly.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand she gets the ax.

Chris is thinking aww, shit. I didn't sign up for this crap. He must be loving that awkward conversation. Now I want the juicy details, and I doubt we're going to get them. Was it first base, second, wtf?!?!?!?

Chris is telling Jake what went down. Jake doesn't know what to say and he wants to cry. Eh, get over it. There are plenty of other girls to chose from.

Chris makes a to do about putting another rose back on the pile. Rozlyn blew her chance. And so it begins....

Tenley (damn called third and didn't even have a date this week)
Ella (Oh SNIZZZZZZAP, she didn't have a date either)
Valisha (or something like that-- who the hell is she)?
Jessica (did she even talk in this episode)?
Ashleigh H
Michelle (they must be paying him to do this)
Katherine (who doesn't speak either)

Ashley from Pittsburgh and Christina, the drunk girl, go home.

At least Ashley keeps a good attitude despite going home, I may like her after all. Christina was nice, she just got a little trashed on their first date. Oops, it happens to the best of us.


CIP said...

I absolutely love this..if you go back a few posts on my blog, I did a similar recap about epi 1. Do you read If you don't want to see spoilers, don't look, but he really breaks down the truth about Rozlyn (he has been right on all of his stuff the last 3 seasons). It's intense. Love it though! Funny review.

The Mom Jen said...

I forgot Rozlyn and her "cha-cha" how classless, yuck. I'm so glad she's gone! Here via Mama Kat! ;)