Monday, February 15, 2010

The Bachelor: The Final Three!

Today, Jake and the girls head to St. Lucia. I find that very annoying. I want to be in St. Lucia. Instead, I'm in cold, snowy Maryland.

St. Lucia is the perfect place to fall in love, says Jake. I'm going to try that line on my husband later.

Jake starts off by talking about the girls. He thought Gia was just a gorgeous bathing suit model type- when really she was a dork whose shoes were stolen in high school.

Back in San Fran, they show Ali crying in her bed. She's sleeping with his head shot. The jig is up.. this is so planned. She's obviously in a hotel room. This is all far too reminiscent of what went down with Ed-- only this time, the one who leaves doesn't win. I bet Ali was paid to join the cast and to play this role.

Up first, Gia. Jake thinks she may be holding back. I just think she's stupider than he thinks she is. Jake asks her if she likes boats. Like, Duh! Of course she likes boats.


They dance in the street and Jake may know how to slow dance-- but the boy cannot rock out to reggae. They shop around town and buy matching rasta necklaces. After shopping, they get to eat a private dinner on the beach by candlelight (no fair). Jake hopes that she can open up and Gia wants to open up and tell him that she loves him.... but she hasn't yet (to his face). Jake gets all romantical and Gia looks like a deer in headlights-- maybe she doesn't get it?!? Jake and Gia make out a lot, a lot, a lot.

Jake and Tenley meet up next. First up, a helicopter ride around the island. Next up, they are having a picnic in the rain forest. Tenley asks about how they would date in the real world. Hello, they would just jump on a jet and travel everywhere, Jake says. They make out on the beach and in the ocean. Tenley lays it all out on the line and tells Jake that she's falling in love with him. They both love to dance so they slow dance without music while making out some more.

Lastly, we're going to see Vienna. Jake and Vienna are going to spend the day on a pirate ship. Jake and Vienna make out a lot and lick each other (huh). They spend the afternoon dry humping on the bow of the ship. Jake seems more fun when they are together-- smacking her ass and fooling around. During dinner they have serious conversation about marriage and love. Jake asks her what kind of ring she would want and she seems psyched. Vienna tells Jake that she's in love with him and he seems really excited about it.

Oh lord-- Jake just said his heart glows (not cute).

Vienna really wants time to dry hump Jake tonight. She has a surprise for him and comes out in a little nightie. Jake finds her very sexy. Hmmmmmm.

What do you know-- Ali is calling. She regrets her decision and acts like a dejected puppy. She wants to come back. Wow, this is shocking. I never saw this coming. This chick moans a lot. This is the phone call that never ends-- just like the night she left. Jake hems and haws and tells her that it's too late. Perfect- setting her up to be the next bachelorette. This is all part of their little plan. This show is becoming so predictable.

Jake is having a hard time deciding what to do. He is in love with all three girls (yuck). He watches the videos and I'm thinking that Gia is going to get the ax. I'm not feeling them.

That was obvious. Gia goes home. She is very sweaty and is laughing awkwardly throughout their goodbye.

Next week... the women tell all!


Anonymous said...

Oh his "heart glows" remark set up my whole Bachelor post. Who says that? Oh yeah, women!

Connie said...

His date with Vienna made me sick to my stomach!!